Short & (not so) sweet.

The other day I looked in the mirror, and I didn’t recognize the person staring back at me. Physically speaking, I am exhausted looking, little to no affect, eyebrows that might as well be zebra stripes to name a few; but what I am talking about transcends past the physical features- the toll that chemotherapy takes on a person mentally and emotionally reflects like the days I’d hope to never see again. My darkest days. I’m hesitant to be social because I feel trapped within my own body. Even if I wanted to be present, I often can’t because of how exhausted I am.

Chemotherapy is taking away the cancer, but it’s also taking away other aspects of what once was my daily life. I look in the mirror and see someone hardly present, someone just going through the motions, a person so still and it’s heartbreaking to me. Are these days worth it? Absolutely. It’s these types of days that make me hate everything about cancer. Knowing there are millions of people all over the world going through hell to kill what’s trying to kill us just tugs at my soul. I know at the end of all of this I will come out appreciating life more than I already do, with an even deeper perspective than ever before.

Monday was round five of six! One more to go followed by surgery in December.

I cannot wait for the day where I look back in the mirror and see myself again.

This genuine smile, this person, this Jessica.

 

 

❤ Love you all & I’m so thankful for everyone that has remained patient and supportive through it all.